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A roaring egotist in the making.
| Monday, June 12, 2006 |
| Once you go Asian... |
Back in the day I used the be the most adamant defender of Asian women who dated almost exclusively Caucasian men. "It's a preference," I'd say, "like how some guys prefer redheads." Of course when you've only been in one relationship with one guy for four years and he's white, you tend to say these things. Five white boys and one Asian later, your perspective changes a little.
These days I don't understand why my yellow sisters pride themselves in hunting white meat. On the train there's always that one Asian/white couple (by which I mean Asian female/white male, because it's rarely the other way around) who gives me the inkling that she sees him as a status symbol. You know the couple I'm talking about – she clutches to his arm like a life buoy and constantly peers around to reassure herself that yes, everyone can see who she's with. It's a peculiar objectification of the white male.
And then there are the girls who gravitate toward white guys for the same reasons I used to: the subconscious, internalized Western aesthetic. My mild obsession with finding a man in possession of a good Germanic nose and Superman – the cartoon, not the ubermensch – jawline stems from this standard of beauty, I'm sure.
Alright, so I semi-retract that earlier statement. I vaguely understand where the attraction lies. The latter reasoning isn't wholly excusable, but once you dissect where those inclinations originate, they're relatively easy to overthrow. The former, however, merits a smack in the face. What, someone tell me, what, precisely, is so fancy about playing arm-candy to a white boyfriend specifically because he is white?
I'm curious.
Not that all such match-ups are the result of deluded Asian women and Caucasian men with Asian fetishes, of course. Most are genuine couplings, where race is not the dominant or binding factor in their relationships, and are in fact marred by those other kinds of couples, because they're now forced to continually defend their choice in significant other. (I know this and you know this so I'll skip the requisite disclaimers covering all of my happily interracially-attached friends who also know this.) I'm talking about Asian women who deliberately shun Asian men and flock to a less jaundiced romantic diet.
My peers in the US are provided with a lopsided proportion of white meat, chocolate, dark chocolate – how far I can stretch this analogy? – and lots of other random, exotic flavors. Statistically speaking, the other white meat (read: yellow) is scarce here. But for my peers elsewhere, how is it that they just happen to end up with foreign white men? Seems questionable.
Personally, I don't get the hype nor the practical application of the White Fetish (because, let's face it, that's what it is). Here at least, the odds of finding a white guy far outnumber the odds of finding an Asian, meaning the latter is more difficult to snare, i.e. more valuable. Also, the white boys these fetishists end up dating are fugly. I'm sorry, there's no other way to put it. They're fugly. So you end up with catty Asian girls with white fetishes and fugly white boys with Asian fetishes and you'd think everyone would be happy when we're all really wondering what these people are trying to prove.
And more importantly, since the why-do-Asian-girls-like-Caucasians-so-much question has been beaten and blogged to death a thousand times over, why do Asian women NOT like Asian men? Is it the height issue? The emasculation of Asian males in the media? The smaller penis? So many articles have been written on the growing resentment within the Asian-American male community on the loss of their women that it makes me wonder.
In any case, to all those bitter Asian guys out there who are ticked off: there are still Asian girls out there who lust after their own men. We still want you. There are plenty of us who would rather not deliberately seek out non-Asian men for whatever social or self-esteem related purposes. I'd do just about anything for a nice ABC who would stay still for more than 6 weeks, damn it.
But I digress. The point is, I don't understand white fetishists, particularly when they're Asian women. Labels: APIA |
posted by The Screwy Skeptic @ 6/12/2006 11:56:00 PM  |
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| 33 Comments: |
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Only 3 weeks... boo hoo... cry me a river sister... try forever (ed: he exaggerates, only 6 months)
I've dated white women... is that bad?
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some caucasians can be really kind and understanding towards their wives. It's the way we are brought up, i think.
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'Tis probably best not to meddle in peoples' preferences and/or perversions. You're as likely to find a satisfying answer to this as you are to the question, "Why don't Americans like soccer?" De gustibus non est disputandum.
Perhaps compatability of perceived cultural roles makes the white male/asian femme combo more likely? Perhaps asian males are more dutiful and patriotic about their race, and thus less apt to date Whitey? Who knows, who cares. It is folly to seek a reason for peoples' preferences/perversions/interests/sexual deviances. Moreover, it's damned uncomfortable for those of us with stable interracial relationships to be put in front of the firing squad. We can't provide answers to your questions.
Anyhow, in looking some of this crap up on the Almighty Internet, I found an interesting link. Just scroll down and read:http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~tanaka/disparity/disparity.txt Some interesting ideas about the lopsidedness of WM/AF to AM/WF ratios.
--bill
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pmg: I'm not passing value judgments on who you date, but I'm kinda wondering what makes up the discrepancies in AF/WM versus WF/AM relationships. Yours would be in the minority.
Also, shush. :-P
serendipity: Well I'm sure there are plenty of compassionate Asian men and mean Caucasian men out there, but it's a pity that that IS the way we're brought up to think – that the West is somehow superior in such and such a way.
bill: I know, I know, I shouldn't nitpick at it too much (and you read my disclaimer so just know that I'm definitely not part of the firing squad).
If anything, it's more about the unconditional embrace of Western ideals and why this seeps into all facets of life, whether it's in school, relationships, or the workplace.
There's an article somewhere about Asian companies tending to hire European execs over their own, despite equal qualifications, and it makes me wonder if it's a sort of self-imposed colonialism or something.
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You know if I was a white woman (which I am) writing about how---mostly---white women should date whites, I think I'd get some nasty emails, comments in reply.
Jae
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jae: Except that I'm not advocating that Asians should only date Asians. I'm wondering why there is – and there definitely IS – a giant imbalance in the AM/WF and WM/AF ratio(incidentally, a similar imbalance exists in the WM/BF and BM/WF ratio).
No one's talking about whether one should or shouldn't engage in interracial dating, so yeah. Let that disclaimer be known.
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Yeah... I think it's not race but personality. Hope you find your nice Am-Chin boy. If not, Asia is full of desperate men waiting for you (seriously, more males than females here).
Plus I think Asian men might prefer Asian women. Although... I do see alot of AM/WF combos... Alot more than before... But I tell you what's going to happen AM/BF. They're running out of high calbre BM to date. It's a pity really...
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http://bitterasianmen.com
so bitter the con of man. HAHAHAA.
(not like it had anything to do with your post tho.)
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I am a Asian woman and I definitely prefer Asian men...in fact I have love only for my Asian brothers.
Don't know why but I don't really find a lot of white boys attractive...but that's just me.
Plus the fact that most of the crackers u find in Asia are losers back home who can't get any and behave like they're God's gift to women when they're here.
I am stereotyping here of course and not all white guys are like that but enough for me to make such a statement.
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okay , i've dated two caucasians before and i love their spontaneity more than anything else. the asian men that i've dated all display the same traits i find so attractive in caucasians. sad to say alot of the asian men i know are extremely narrow minded and perhaps even selfish in some ways , like how they try to impose their so-called "decent asian" values on you. and needless to say they gag at the idea of going down on their women YET expect us to do what disgusts them. hmmmmmm.
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In any case, to all those bitter Asian guys out there who are ticked off: there are still Asian girls out there who lust after their own men. We still want you. There are plenty of us who would rather not deliberately seek out non-Asian men for whatever social or self-esteem related purposes. I'd do just about anything for a nice ABC who would stay still for more than 6 weeks, damn it.
Yeah, we are here waiting for all you females to get screwed by as many white guys as possible, and then settle down with us once you realize that these white boys will just go back home and won't carry you back to their country.
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Except that I ALREADY live in Chicago, douchebag. Take your hate elsewhere, o bitter one.
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Ahh.. the flames that come along with racial generalizations. Just wanted to wish you luck.
I'm happy in my interracial relationship... and yes, those girls you mention do indeed create a bad name for me. :)
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This may come across as a generalization of sorts, of all white men I've interacted with at school and now at work, seem to be good at one thing, and one thing only.
Talk. A lot.
I guess in some ways, it might show...confidence? It's really a whole lot of shmoozing though. Maybe I'm just a bitter Asian man.
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i lup cokiasian men. tok alot make me sleep easy. they also helpfull.morning, help me shave my wiskers.
i like.
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To be honest in thinking about this issue for quite sometime I have come up with the idea that gender roles and race are linked.
The white male exhibits all that the human male is supposed to such as strength, power, etc. Even physically white men are typically larger than asian men.
Asian women, on the other hand, play right into the stereotypical submissive woman. She usually fits the beauty standards because of body types. (last time you truly saw an obese asian woman?)
They are a perfect fit for cultures.
No matter how wrong those stereotypes can be.
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You know it's all about confidence and also an "I ont't give a damn what you think attitude. The thing is, whether you're dating a black/hispanic/white/asian girl it doesn't matter. Asian guys gotta walk like you're into this other person. Hold hands, cuddle, flirt openly and show the world what this girl means to you. I don't think anybody can take that away from you.
Now about those asian girls who hate asian guys....you just gotta laugh. You know the ones where you can feel the contempt and snobbiness towards you. You know what I'll whistle and flirt with them anyway and they'll either hate me more or they'll see you as a cool and confident guy. I don't know if this helps but just my 2 cents...
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I'm a white man with a definite predilection to Asian women. I live near the largest Cambodian community in the United States, Lowell Massachusetts, and am constantly having my head yanked around by all of the Cambodian women here. It isn’t just that they are pretty (to me they are just plain gorgeous), but they seem exceptionally friendly, caring, open minded, etc. Everything that I consider attractive they’ve got. I’ve never dated any, but I’ve been married for many years, so I haven’t had the opportunity. Now I’m divorced, and am wondering if it would be worthwhile to try to pursue Cambodian women.
Naturally I’ve looked for guidance on this on the internet, and to my surprise have read lots about how not only do white men prefer Asian women, which I already knew, but Asian women prefer white men, with the result that many Asian-American women marry white men. I read that 22% of Asian-American women are married to white men, while only 9% of Asian-American men are married to white women. This has had little effect on the demographics for whites, but it has left 13% of Asian-American men unable to find wives. “In 1990, 1.46 million Asian women were married, compared to only 1.26 million Asian men. This net drain of 0.20 million white husbands into marriages to Asian women is too small to be noticed by the 75 million white women… yet this 0.20 million shortage of Asian wives leaves a high proportion of frustrated Asian bachelors in its wake.” Pretty crazy, but I’m not selfless enough to avoid Asian women in an attempt to help Asian men.
I’m interested in any info that might be relevant. Do Cambodian women tend to favor white men the way that other Asian-American women do? How do Cambodian and modern American cultures vary and what effect does this have on white men dating Cambodian women? What do Asian parents think of their daughters associating with white men? Please reply if you know of any blogs or other internet sources that might be helpful.
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i very much enjoyed your article. love cho
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I'm a Cambodian woman who has only been in relationships with white men. I don't find myself attracted to anyone else. Looking at the Cambodian people I grew up with, only one woman has been with a white man. Out of that group of friends, most have been attracted to asians, african-american or hispanic men.
I am by no means submissive, but I take care of the men that I am with. The idea that a white man wants an asian woman out of the need to be the dominant white man needs to be shattered. And that the asian women that white men date are just 'maids' is ridiculous and insulting.
Gaius, my mother was ecstatic when she found out I was with a white man. She joked about it a lot with her friends, and loved to see a white man discover cambodian culture, and more importantly cambodian food. That is very important.
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I've always really preferred caucasian men over asian men, mostly because the average caucasian male is more physically attractive than the average asian man. [Solely my opinion] I don't really think asian women in interracial couples "flaunt" the fact that they're with a caucasian? I don't really see why they would do that, and who they would flaunt this to. Also, many asians are socioeconomically better off than caucasians, so I don't see how being with a white guy increases someone's socioeconomic standing. On a side note, my cousin has a caucasian wife. ^.^
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Once you go White, There is no coming back! I am a 6 feet 5, 213 lbs have white featurs, bitter 100% asian man with a 6 1/2 inches dick. White girls are polite and nice to me, but they won't go out with me in public, and asian girls..... O yes, I don't date them buz they are A)snobbish B)snobbish, and C) you guessed, SNOBBISH!(also unattractive, did I mention that?!) Don't get my wrong, there is not thing wrong with dating white guys, Just don't walk around act like you are superior than white girls, other asian girls and asian men. once the white guy dumped you for a blonde(including the ones that are not even cute) Just remember, the gate is shut behind you, there will be no one taking you back. As for asian men, I am sorry we are screwed! no wonder there are always so many death in every battle of ancient asia dynasty. Those soliders knew they were screwed in this world, their only sole purpose is recklessly fighting to keep a "honorable name" for their cought* parents cought*. Jesus Christ! who REALLY needs a freedom revolution, WE DO!
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The bitter asian man is a very lame person! All they do is cry, cry, and cry some more. And how come they only complain about not being about to get white girls....when in fact they probably can't get any girl....let alone a white girl!
And why white girls only? Have they bought into the mentality that "if it ain't white, it ain't right". You never see a blog or board about AM and Black Females, or AM and Indian Females etc. Why white? I think Asian men need to check themselves before complaining about the "injustices" of not being able to get a white hottie.
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Most of the comments miss the whole point of the article here. I think is refreshing to see finally some AF wake up AND speak up to this real problem in the asian community instead of their own narrow selfish view. I applaud the author for taking this step.
Without an asian community (5% of the US), there is no asian women or asian men. Insulting asian men is a direct insult toward the fathers, brothers, ancestors, and relatives of these women. It lowers all of us (asians) and I'm glad to see more asian women wake up to this.
The real losers are not asian men who are willing to speak out on the obvious cancer in our communites, but the white losers who exploit other races (they think) instead of working to find a good white partner. Racism and outrage is on the rise on both sides, hapa kids face racism by both whites and asians. What normal person wants to go through that hell except a misfit or self hater.
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Very sad that race is such an issue: we, as a species, are a big disappointment. Hopefully, with enough "mixing", someday ridiculous race and ethnic background issues will be eliminated.
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I'm an asian woman who lives in Australia. I see and know of many mixed asian female/white male couples. Most of the mixed couples I know are married and they love each other and respect each other. I don't think that any of the relationships are based on perverted fetishes or insecure motives. I myself happen to be extremely attracted to white aussie guys. I love their accent, their manner and sense of humour. They're just more visually appealing to me as well. That's what I find attractive. I have been attracted to Asian and European guys when I was younger but now I'm just really attracted to white aussie men. I have thought that some black men were goodlooking but never felt a real full on attraction. I don't think you can really quantify attraction, it's a unique thing for every individual. The main thing is to be with someone who you can have a healthy, nurturing relationship with. I think when I meet the man that I'm supposed to be with in marriage I'm not really going to care what race he is.
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Hi there, I'm a white 42yr old male
who is attracted to asian females .
I also am attracted to blondes and red heads . I am also attracted to black and east indian women . I just enjoy dating different women .
When I was younger I only dated white women because I was so worried about how my friends and family would treat me otherwise.Now,I am 42 and I do whatever the hell I want and if I piss people off so what !
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I'm caucasian and never crossed my mind dating specifically an asian girl until I met this drop dead gorgeous sexy girl. Race wasn't the point, but I fell inlove with her and now I'm married 21 years. sHE'S SWEET, CARING, PLEASING AND...I LOVE IT!!!
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Having dated Asian and caucasian men, I'll have to say that I'm betting the reason a lot of Asian girls refuse outright to even consider dating Asian guys is because they have totally bought into the bad racial stereotypes (that aren't true anyways).
I always get irritated when I hear someone [regardless of their race say]: "Ooh, I am interested in [insert race] people because they are [insert stereotypical behavior]." It's not that I think they're lying-- oh no, fetishists are always genuine. But it's the depressing realization that with these people, because they've mapped their preconception of an entire culture onto a person b.c. of that person's race, they're not really interested in that individual.
Let's face it, any other person of that race will do, because they're always going to map the same preconceptions onto them. I have seen these Asian women who cling to their Caucasian boyfriends and those boyfriends look so smug-- and yet, we all know that because these women only want someone white, any piece of white ass will do. There's nothing about that particular guy that's special to her, other than his race. The same applies to those Asian fetishist guys who will do the total head-swivel for any Asian woman, no matter how geriatric, ugly, or misshapen, but it doesn't matter, because any piece of Asian ass will do for him.
I also really hate it when someone says: "Oh, white/black/Chinese/Ecuadorian/whatever people are all so beautiful." That's another alarm bell- there's no such thing as every single person from a certain race being beautiful. Every race has its beauties, uglies, and in-betweeners. To say that everybody from a certain race is beautiful is either a sign that the person is paranoid about being called a racist, so they only say false flattering things, or they have a fetish, because anybody from that race will do!
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2 years late to the party but you ask why asian women don't go out with asian men. I ask why don't more white women go out with asian men?
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Maybe it's cause Asian men are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO UGLY!??!?!?!?!? I can't stress that enough. (I'm half Asian by the way)
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Finally, a real sister that actually cares. I love it.
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hi, whats your contact? i need your help. -the cloudzero
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Only 3 weeks... boo hoo... cry me a river sister... try forever (ed: he exaggerates, only 6 months)
I've dated white women... is that bad?